This is Bull-Should
This is Bull-Should
We are living in ‘unprecedented’ (honesty, if I hear that word one more time…) times and everyone I know is struggling with something. Some of us are struggling with virtual schooling (or the after-effects of virtual schooling). Some of us are struggling with balancing work and family. Some of us are struggling with anxiety about the pandemic. And some of us are struggling with the things we ‘should’ be doing. Sourdough bread-making…yoga...intense and rainbow-centric home organization - the pressure is intense and constant. Given everything else we have going on right now, I have to ask, what would happen for us if we stopped ‘shoulding’ all over ourselves?
I first heard that term on Sex and the City in the 90’s and even back then, I was surprised at how it perfectly summed up what we do to ourselves. I notice I cringe a little every time I say I should do something, and I force myself to answer the question, Is this a must/should? As in, I must/should take the garbage out before the freezing rain starts - that use seems perfectly acceptable to me. Or is it a pressure/should? As in, I really feel-pressured-to/should be doing yoga three times a week to be as limber as a cat. Oh, there it is, the judgement, the slight sense of shame – yep, that’s a big pile of bull-should.
My absolute favourite quote of 2020 was ‘Well, this pandemic has thrown my already questionable hygiene completely out the window.’ When I picked myself up off the bottom the Zoom call from laughing, I realized that what I loved most was the complete and utter lack of self-judgment. I was so impressed with the honesty and the way that my friend showed up for herself that her words stayed with me long after we’d logged off the call.
So, as I am wont to do, I looked at it from a Coaching perspective and I came up with a few questions that I’ll ask myself when I find I’m veering towards shoulding on myself.
Is this true to myself and my spirit to want to do this?
Is this a genuine desire or external pressure?
Is this something I really want to do? *
If it is, how can I make it happen in a way that is authentic to me?
What are the consequences of doing nothing?
As we move forward though this pandemic and all the aftermath, my goal is to show myself the same self-love and non-judgement shown by my friend and do only what I want and need to do – I will not should all over myself.
To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting - EE Cummings
*Note: I really do not want to make sourdough bread from scratch. I want to support a lovely local bakery and eat delicious bread with lots of butter.